the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
