I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
