I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize