He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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