no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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