There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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