just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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