I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
