tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
