put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
