I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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