I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
