You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
