If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
