I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
