id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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