Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I want is dick and wine.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
