Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the day after is always just damage control
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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