YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
