I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
