When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
