I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize