becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
