areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
