Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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