i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
