I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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