your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
