i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
