You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
