Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
