I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
