the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
