Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
