Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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