You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
