His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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