pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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