we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
