Im at strip club and am horny
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We left an ass print on the piano.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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