Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
