if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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