Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
