I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
