The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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