I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs