dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.