I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help