Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
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Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town