i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?