Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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