He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
