no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?