Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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