Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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