Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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