this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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