think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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