I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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