Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
even my farts smell like vagina
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
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chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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