I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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