Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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