I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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