Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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