omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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