If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
