I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
