yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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