If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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