i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
